Domestic violence can cause problems in any marriage. Research suggests that LGBT partners experience domestic violence at roughly the same rate as heterosexual partners. 

Although statistics are skewed by victims’ reluctance to report domestic violence, these studies estimate between 25-33% of all domestic relationships experience domestic violence regardless of the sexual orientation of the partners.

California law treats domestic violence the same regardless of the gender or sexual orientation of the batterer or victim. But same-sex partners can run into difficulties in enforcement that heterosexual partners do not encounter. This can often lead to unfair outcomes in domestic violence cases.

Read on to learn about domestic violence in same-sex marriages and some of the difficult issues that these cases can raise.

California Domestic Violence Laws

California’s domestic violence laws cover criminal actions committed against a:

The laws protect domestic partners from:

When someone is convicted of domestic battery, they can face a fine of up to $2,000 and a term of imprisonment of up to one year. Judges can sentence convicted individuals convicted to a treatment or counseling program if the county has one.

Judges can also require someone convicted of domestic violence to pay restitution to the victim. Restitution can include the victim’s medical expenses and the costs to replace or repair any damaged property.

Domestic Violence According to the Experts

According to experts, domestic violence covers more than a single event. Instead, it covers a pattern of conduct designed to establish one partner’s dominance over the other.

This pattern of conduct goes beyond California’s criminal laws. As a result, spouses can find it difficult to use the criminal system to stop the abuse.

Domestic violence can include:

Physical Abuse

Physical abuse includes battery and threats of battery. It also includes non-consensual sex, sexual coercion, and sexual abuse.

Mental and Emotional Abuse

Mental and emotional abuse is usually designed to make the victim dependent on the abuser for attention, praise, or validation. 

Some forms of mental and emotional abuse include:

  • Insulting
  • Gaslighting
  • Ridiculing
  • Minimizing

In same-sex marriages and relationships, one partner may even threaten to “out” the other partner or otherwise reinforce the partner’s shame about their sexuality. Another form of mental and emotional abuse in same-sex relationships can come from threatening to expose the partner’s HIV-positive status.

Financial Abuse

Financial abuse includes denying the spouse the financial rights they gained through the marriage. For example:

  • Leaving them off marital assets and accounts
  • Denying access to marital funds
  • Naming other people as beneficiaries for retirement or insurance benefits

Another form of financial abuse comes from misusing the spouse’s name or identity when applying for loans, credit cards, or other financial accounts.

Problems in Enforcing Domestic Violence Laws

Same-sex spouses have several obstacles when facing domestic violence, including:

Minimizing by Police

Police face a lot of domestic violence calls. In 2020, police in California received over 160,000 calls for assistance with domestic violence situations. These calls ranged from threatening or harassing behavior to homicides and attempted homicides.

Same-sex spouses often face the police minimizing the abuse or “punting” the case by recommending counseling instead of arresting the abuser. 

Some ways the police minimize domestic violence concerns among same-sex couples include:

  • Dismissing sexual assault as rough sex
  • Viewing the victim as merely being dramatic
  • Disbelieving the victim due to the genders of the spouses

The police are not well-equipped to handle these situations, particularly where no physical or sexual abuse has occurred. Victims in these situations may need to leave or use family court procedures, such as a protective order, to protect themselves instead of relying on the police.

Mishandling by Police

Some police officers view domestic violence arrests as a way to protect battered wives from abusive husbands. Any situation that does not fit that view can get mishandled.

When the police receive a same-sex domestic violence call, they may view the couple equally culpable if the partners are of the same gender and size. In these situations, the police will either arrest both partners on the assumption that the problem was mutual or arrest neither partner on the assumption that they can take care of themselves.

Research suggests that same-sex couples receive a disproportionate number of mutual restraining orders. This reflects a bias by police officers and judges that same-sex couples usually bear equal blame for domestic violence in their relationship.

False Accusations

Sophisticated abusers can take advantage of this bias. They will falsely accuse their partner of abuse. This creates a situation where, at worst, both spouses will face domestic violence charges. 

But in some situations, the abuser convinces the police or the court that the victim was the abuser. In these situations, the abuser argues that they were victimized or only acted in self-defense.

As a result, the victim faces criminal charges and a protective order keeping them away from their home and family.

Handling a Domestic Violence Situation

Domestic violence in a same-sex relationship can destroy a person’s physical and mental health. But many organizations provide support for victims of domestic violence regardless of their gender or sexual orientation.

These resources help you understand your legal rights in both criminal and family courts. As the victim of a crime, you can involve the police to arrest and punish your spouse. As a domestic partner of an abuser, you can involve the family courts to keep your spouse away from you.